Thoughts
by Qiwi
Summary: Kratos thinks about what has happened since his first meeting with the party and what will happen. Contains spoilers!


**Thoughts**

_**Warning: SPOILERS!**_

It was a peaceful night, the dark sky filled with little sparkles that twinkled one by one, and watching this enchanting spectacle was one man, standing outside in the cool night breeze looking up at the endless lights of the stars.

The man was dressed in a purple attire, a sheath by his side, but no sword in it. The sword that belonged there lay in the man's hand, and he looked down at his sword, the stars reflecting on the weapon. A sigh escaped his lips as he looked up again, and gently dropped himself on the grass, waving as a gentle blaze stroked it.

Around him everything was quiet, but he could sense that there were activities going on around him in the forest. His face, that usually wore an unaffected, emotionless mask, was for the first time in years, filled with emotions. A desire could be read in his eyes, but was soon pushed away by fear. Fear for rejection obscured his face as if a shadow had fallen.

He let out another sigh, and began to speak, still looking up at the twinkling stars.

"Anna… what should I do?" He spoke, his voice slightly trembling. A rustle was heard, but he payed no attention to it, too drowned in his own thoughts and troubles.

"After all these years, of thinking he was… dead, here he is again. Alive and well, happy. You should've seen him, a light of life, but still a child."

Another rustle, but now from the wind blowing leaves against each other. A wolf's cry could be heard, when a full moon appeared in view, before covered by slumbering clouds. That silver, shining globe of light enlightened his face again, showing the emotions in his watering eyes.

His vision became unclear, and shocked Kratos realized he was on the verge of crying. He blinked a couple of times to make the unshed tears go away, but it wouldn't help. Sighing he whiped them away instead, leaving a watery trail on his finger. He stared at it for a long time, until it disappeared, and continued talking.

"I don't know what to do. After those thousands of years, I don't know what to do. I must keep this mask up, at least until the Tower of Salvation. But… the half-elven woman, I know she thinks I'm suspicious. I had to keep my mouth shut all those times they didn't know what to do. It was foolish of me to talk."

Thoughts paralysed his tranquility of mind, as he thought about what would happen at the Tower of Salvation. At the beginning of the journey, he had thought it would not be that hard of a task, he could not care less about the woman, and the Chosen knew her task.

But it got harder, as they were in the Triet desert they stumbled upon the woman's little brother, who told them he and Lloyd were banished, and that Lloyd had been captured by 'Desians'. This struck Kratos, and after they had rescued Lloyd he realized that he would have to betray all of them.

And even though he hated to admit it, he had grown attached to this bundle of unorganized people, of all people he had ever met, he never thought he'd grow attached to any of them.

The Chosen, clumsy as she was, had this innocence and purity that no one could not get attached to her. She was not, like most people thought, unknowing, but she believed in the good that all people had. It even came so far that it hurt Kratos to see how the Chosen still believed in the goodness and kindness of people, even though there were so many out there that wished to hurt… like himself.

And then there was the half-elven woman, Raine. A scholar in heart and mind. But even though all her attention seemed to go to ruins and what not, she was a good person. She loved her little brother and was attached to the Chosen. And Lloyd? Even though he was not the best student ever, she still was attached to him as well.

And her little brother, Genis. Kratos could clearly see how he adored Lloyd, even though he made a lot of negative comments about him. But he adored him, that was for sure. He loved knowledge as well, and was smart, he could not deny that. But even so the youth was still unexperienced and not ready to see all the terror this world harbored.

Sheena, the assassin, had joined their party just a few weeks ago. It was obvious she had not liked that she was sent to kill the Chosen, that could be easily read in her eyes. And she was from Tethe'alla… Kratos had feared that since their first meeting. She wore strange clothes, never seen in this world, and her weapon was quite unusual. She was kindhearted by nature, and liked the party, even though she was sent to assassinate them.

And last… Lloyd. His son. He was lighthearted, just like Anna. Everything about him reminded Kratos about her. From his chocolat brown hair to his goodhearted nature. He was exactly like her. He acted without thinking, sometimes hotheaded, but all the while he would do everything to protect his friends. Kratos let out another heavy sigh, thinking about how this would end.

What would they think of him? "That doesn't matter. I should keep my head with things that do matter." Kratos strictly told himself, while sheathing his sword. But the question again crossed his mind. What would Lloyd think of him if he betrayed them? He knew the answer. He would react the same like Anna would. They had been betrayed by friends once… far back in the past.

Kratos shook that memory off himself, he didn't want to remember such things. He didn't want to remember anything at all that had to do with Anna or Lloyd. It would be best for both if he just forgot everything. But he couldn't…

He closed his eyes to calm down, but immediately an image of Lloyd appeared before his eyes. He quickly opened his eyes again. It was not yet time to think of such things. He would see these images when time would come. And yet another sigh escaped him as he spoke.

"Anna… what should I do? I can't… can't kill my own son. I'm horrible. If you could just see me now…"

Suddenly he looked back at all those times Lloyd had talked to him about painful things, and he experienced them in his mind once again. All those times, Lloyd had ripped him apart from the inside without even knowing. And if he had to continue this, Lloyd would never know…

Kratos inwardly went insane every time he thought about this. If Lloyd never got to know, he would be happy and devastated at the same time. Then Kratos would never have to face Lloyd when he would know the truth, but then there was also no chance of having a family again…

Kratos shivered at that thought, and put back his emotionless masked face, but his eyes still showed the desire and fear of being rejected. He faced the sky once more, and whispered one sentence before strolling back to the camp.

"Forgive me, Anna…"

The end

A/N Hmm, this suddenly popped in my head. Another one-shot about well, mostly about Kratos. I'm not really happy with it, but I guess it'll do. So let me know what you think! Oh and the timeline, it's the night before they go to the Tower of Salvation. Anyway, leave a review!


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